Please Don't Quote Me What was that light ahead this time of night, 10:00? No train was due. At nine all had been well. The light seemed to grow larger. He began to trot towards it, stepping rhythmically, concentrating on the light rather than his footfall. As Manning approached the next to last span of the bridge, he stopped. "Oh, hell," he spat. The light was a flame. With the expletive, fingers of fire leapt to a wooden side brace to writhe like a fiery snake to the roof. There'd be no chance to squelch the fire alone and overhead. He turned to run back the way he'd come. He heard a pop, a thud as a plank already had fallen to the tracks. The flames were eating towards him. Manning commenced running again, winded when reaching the north bank of the river where he could see the covered bridge suddenly burst into blazing spectacle. In just a half hour the impressive bridge was a total loss.
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Hot Flashes - A Galloping PollsterBy Sue Langenberg The polls say this, and the polls say that. Who are the polls, anyway? I compared notes with some friends the other day and we agreed that we had never actually been polled. Unless you count the time, that is, when some poor soul who sounded suspiciously like a telemarketer called my house and was halted with a barrage of flames and ire. Or worse yet, a recording of someone trying to sell something. That could have been an honest 'injun pollster, or it could have been someone trying to sell the latest scam to collect social security numbers. All it takes is, "hello, is this Mrs. Longenhagerblogadillaradol-lorovitsky?" I nip the bud before it blooms into obnoxious with, "No thanks (click)." I might suggest that in order for the pollsters to get beyond the first "hello, is this" they should sound less official and ask the right questions. There has to be some common ground, something to connect with. In fact, maybe I should apply for the job. I would redesign the line of questioning so that we can find out the important stuff in life. Then the polls would connect with the real dirt. Instead of the routine greeting, "hello ma'am," I would need to cut to the chase with an anxious, "I hope you have a moment to gossip!" During the silence that follows, I would quickly add that, "your neighbor is a convicted window peeker buzz buzz buzz" Assuming that the ice is then broken, I would revert to some regular questions that pollsters want to know like, "who are you voting for?" "what is important in your life today" and "how many times did you sneeze in the last hour?" Then it's bait and switch time. Time to get down to the real gossip; "Does your stomach stick out?" If the answer is "no," I would counter about how un-American to be fit and trim and that everyone knows that this country leads the world in obesity statistics and how out of touch to not have an appropriate amount of flab. Then, "Do you color your hair?" If the answer begins with a stuttering "well, er," then I'll suspect a hair liar and lecture that lying is reserved for politicians who have no hair. Us respectable voters don't lie about such things unless, of course, we are over a certain age with gray hair that turns blue, anyway. I would make note that the blue hairs are a landslide this time. Another important poll question is, "when is the last time that you had a scandalous episode that nearly ruined your marriage, family" oh, whoops, maybe I'm not supposed to get that information. Ok so, "when was the last time that you enjoyed a family reunion?" If the answer is a cheerful "recently," my note would be that this pollee obviously doesn't know about dysfunctional families that don't speak or get along. In fact, I would inquire, "don't you know that the nation's statistics of dysfunctional families over Beaver Cleaver families is now at a landslide in favor?" This must be a hopeless household, I would conclude. Thin and fit, natural hair color and '50s perfect family wamily. Where do I go from here? "Do you have teenagers?" I then ask with fearful trepidation. If the answer is "no," then life proceeds normally with a civilized household and a clear head for voting. If the answer is "yes," then this household is voting to reflect erratic, negative and scary behavior. I feel very sorry for them. Can you relate? If you would like to comment on Hot Flashes, Sue can be reached via E-mail at thewritehag@yahoo.com, or pa@pacc-news.com.
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