Hot Flashes - Mother Nature's Biggest Blunder Yet

By Sue Langenberg

Mother Nature seems to have restless moods of ups and downs. Sometimes She casts a green spell of peace, other times She is on the warpath. She does snowstorms, flooding, earthquakes and tornadoes at the drop of a hat. There are spells when we are just thankful for a calm day on this planet when it doesn't jiggle, flood or turn into a frowning funnel.

And with earthly unrest all over, She is getting hotter yet. Her fever is rising, and we had better take note.

But as disease and pestilence has shaped our past thanks to Mother Nature, there are now new and even more dangerous threats in the future to reckon with: Black Pod, Witches Broom and Frosty Pod Rot. The occurrence of these plant diseases might just throw us all into the worst frenzy of disorder yet. They might even top the Bubonic Plague or Spanish Influenza in their impact on the world population.

That is because these plant disorders are attacking the cacao seed. In plain English, it means that our chocolate supply is endangered and thus causing a possible shortage! (We will now pause to clutch our throats.)

I mentioned this to a friend the other day and she suddenly remembered that her regular supply of dark chocolate was suspiciously off the shelves at the grocery store. "Black Pod, Witches Broom and Frosty Pod Rot will be the end of life as we know it," I warned her with an ominous finger raised.

She shuddered. Certainly, I was kidding, she thought. But no, I showed her the article in a newspaper. It was a brief report, unassuming and probably written without any forethought about the importance of chocolate in this world. When I first read it, my eyes bulged sensing impending doom and distress at where these cacao diseases may lead.

In fact, I ran to see if my supply of mint chocolate chips were still around. I put them in the freezer for future emergencies. I entertained the thought that I would build a storm cellar for a private stash.

The first thing that will occur is that the dwindling number of countries that grow disease-free cacao seed will be forced to raise prices to exorbitant rates. One Hershey's bar will require mortgaging the house. As the chocolate shortage mounts, so will world tensions. Thus the chocolate wars begin.

Then PMS insurgents will establish cells all over the world. They're against all those wasteful chocolate imbibers who refuse to share their stores of semi-sweet dark bars. Hormonal warrior women flying on witches brooms will invade those countries still untouched by the disease Witches Brooms to attempt a chocolate legislature.

To no one's surprise, those legislatures will function only on days when Reese's Pieces are available.

The defending Hershey's troops, fueled by rations of home-made chocolate chip cookies from home, will try to defend the pod fields. But alas, a shortage of Oreos will take down their supplies for proper sustenance.

The rest of the civilized world will attempt to fashion a chocolate substitute. Skeptics will come out of the woodwork to assess the properties of synthetic chocolate. If it doesn't cause zits, alleviate PMS or increase weight, then it's back to the drawing board.

In the meantime, all this chocolate turmoil will cause more hormone wars ­ the PMSers against the Hot Flashers the factions that need more chocolate.

If the earth doesn't perish in all this turmoil, then maybe all of humanity will adjust to the reality of the extinction of cacao pod seeds.

A world without chocolate is hard to imagine, though.

Can you relate? If you would like to comment on Hot Flashes, Sue can be reached via E-mail at thewritehag@yahoo.com, or pa@prairie-advocate-news.com.

Go back to Prairie Advocate Home Page