Hot Flashes - Redefining The Sex Symbol

By Sue Langenberg

Demographic studies show that Baby-Boomers, that is, those born between 1946 and '55, comprise the largest segment of the population. Riding alongside this age group, are the fashions and whims of consumer attention; the Boomers shop and the retailers listen.

Now that this group is beginning to retire, it doesn't want to give up its youthful claim of changing the rules. So as life goes on, the Boomers will change the rules again. What passed for beauty in the '60s and '70s is out, and the new sex symbol is in.

Actually men have had the jump on this concept for some time. Those who have the "distinguished gray" and "weathered look" have always been Hollywood heartthrobs. Furthermore, male baldness studies (conducted by males, of course) conclude that an excess of the sex hormone testosterone causes hair loss.

Remember, however, that women, like a good wine, improve with age. We just have to tweak a few sex-symbol rules, that's all.

Gone are the long sleek necks and taut skin days. Now, most alluring is the drop-cloth chin with a turkey waddle in the middle. The deep furrows parallel to the nostrils are also considered photogenic, especially with overhead lighting that creates a marvelous skull-like facial image.

Falling skin everywhere is the new rage. The flag-flapping arms that wave with the salt shaker are in as muscles in their proper place are out.

Sinking cleavage is rapidly become the fashion. Along with that, there should be appropriately-sized bra/belts designed to accommodate its presence atop a rounded belly.

Weight gain through the years represents the tree rings of life experiences which, after all, are much more interesting than thinness of yesterdecade. Each year after 25 is a gain of just one teensy weensy pound. But more importantly, each layer of fat is evidence of a character-building episode ­ definitely more attractive than airheads with no experience.

"This range of flab," for instance, "stands for my divorce trauma, this pinch-an-inch is when I lost my job"

Contact lenses are also a thing of the past. They are replaced by bifocals with two or three lines that bisect the face into Venetian blinds. The first sign that one should upgrade to the sexier eyewear is when the restaurant menu must be held across the aisle to read the print, or that the arms aren't long enough to read the paper.

Once outfitted with ill-fitting glasses, head-bobbing up and down to get the right focus is most irresistible, especially with jowls flapping.

A road map of varicose veins, stretch marks and a healthy collection of railroad tracks of surgery scars around the body are also desirable beauty marks. Each mottled flaw should be proudly displayed with the smallest two-piece bathing suit to appear in a new magazine called, "Wide Load."

The vocabulary of flirting takes on new terms and phrases. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" becomes "Don't we use the same chiropractor?" or "Have you had a colonoscopy yet?" Comparisons of medications are also ice-breakers in conversations. "I find that the best solution for diarrhea is" Instead of dropping the hanky of old times, "I've fallen and I can't get up," will be a new come-on.

There will be a whole new opportunity for consumer products. Designer canes and cell phone-equipped walkers will be hot commodities as well as chairs that propel you to the bathroom and bathrooms that propel you back to the chair.

Short term memory loss will be much sexier because it will mean that you were really there in the '60s, which you can't remember anyway.

Can you relate? If you would like to comment on Hot Flashes, Sue can be reached via E-mail at thewritehag@yahoo.com, or pa@prairie-advocate-news.com.

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